I heard some stories from students and clients Friday that made me realize how important being clear is; especially in relationships.
I don’t want to get into the he said/she said nonsense but the descriptions of three different relationships made me shudder at the consequences. In all of the cases the melt downs of the families created hardships for both sides. The financial consequences were catastrophic; probably in the million dollar loss range considering where we live.
I wanted to ask (but they aren’t my clients), Did you ask any questions of yourself when you started down this path? Did you ask yourself, “why am I attracted to this person and what do I want my life to be like in our daily life?” Did you ever ask what is my desired outcome for marriage or commitment? Why do I want children and how do I want to see them grow and flourish?
It is easy to fall in love. A beautiful face, a pleasing manner but a life together shows us people without the pleasing face and a manner under stress. One of the key points of learning to fight is to learn to keep a calm nervous system under the stress of attack. Fighting in a dojo is easy compared to the stress one is under when your finances meltdown or someone is sick. Keeping a calm nervous system is paramount in stressful situations.
The first thing, though, is to define how your relationship will function under stress; as well as under the endorphins of lust. Clarity and happiness go hand in hand.
Reporting on my projects. 1) Project one I’ve started reshaping my chapter on problems to make the overall structure of the method clear. The earlier way I’d written it was tied up in the long example I used. For clarity I needed to separate the description from the example. 2) Project 2 I’ve picked a problem from the book and am poking at the solution 🙂 More tomorrow.
Karen Langston says
When it comes to most relationships we revert back to days of pure animal attraction; there is no logic or reason we just allow the heart to want what it wants. And, I know from my own past experiences I would jump into a relationship without thinking about future ramifications. Although some relationships have lasted a lifetime. Perhaps all of us should go through the EHarmony process; answer a ton of questions of what we want and then pick from a select few. It seems they are at least clear about what they want. One of the best books I read was by Debbie Ford The Dark Side of the Light Chasers. In her book she explains how the relationships we choose whether intimate or friendship serves a purpose; to mirror that which we need to accept in ourselves, to learn a lesson, or for the other person to learn from us.
Cliff Martin says
Yes, part of this is our own personality. Being attracted to beauty is universal but the ability to stand back and assess whether the nuts and bolts of a relationship would work in this case is extremely difficult. My point though is that the hard work is always about the beginning; stating what you want and letting the emotions occur but not letting them control. We are so inundated with the romantic meme that it is hard not to surrender. Thanks for your input!